Dead or Alive
by Emily-cat
Summary: Suze wants to find a way for Jesse to become alive, but she pushes Jesse away trying to get answers from Paul. Bad summary I know, but I hate writing these things. :P


I'm not the owner of any of these characters in this chappie, they were all created by the lovely Meg Cabot *cough*releaseMediator6soon*cough* This is my second attempt at a fanfic but it is not a sequel and it does not include any dead horses. ;) I'm still writing this as I go, this chapter is just to motivate me to actually start the story and then finish it. I'll try to update as quickly as I can! :) And my friend has my copy of Haunted so if I've recalled some things wrong, don't hesitate to tell me!  
  
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Chapter One  
  
If I even said being a mediator sucked, I take it back. Well, not the parts where I have to help people who do not want any help and I end up with bruises and aches for a few weeks in return for helping these ungrateful souls. But there's more to being a mediator than that (and I don't mean all that stuff about shifting that Paul told me about). I mean Jesse. Seriously, I don't know what I would do without him. In fact the few times I have been faced with that fact I've become a nervous wreck, I'm so dependent on him. And if I hadn't been a mediator I would never have met him except maybe if I happened to be perving at a history book, and when would that ever happen?  
  
But there are a few problems with falling in love with a ghost. The biggest ones are I can't ever show him to my family or friends or even go out on a date with him. Add to that even if we kept it a secret I would age and he'd stay the spunky looking 20 year ghost he's always been since he was murdered by his bitchy ex Maria. I would be a lonely old spinster just sitting there knitting with a fat, ginger cat on my lap with Jesse, young enough to be my grandson sitting next to me. Me and Jesse both know this and it once led to a time where I craved male company and got it in the form of Paul's lips. A big mistake, I know.  
  
So Jesse and I are in the process of working out just how this relationship is going to be. Father Dominic hasn't been entirely supportive of it. Hell, he sent Jesse to move to the rectory. Not to mention that Paul is still doggedly pursuing my affections. A girl could feel flattered that she has a stalker even if it's someone as dangerous as Paul. And disliked as Paul. He hasn't exactly been popular with the student body since he turned on Kelly Prescott or since Brad's pool party when he acted more like he was on drugs than he was being beaten up by a very angry spirit. Although ever since he came back from his suspension he's mostly avoided me, which is just the way I like it. Jesse too, no doubt.  
  
It was while I was thinking this over in my head that I saw Jesse materialize out of the corner of my eye. He always seem to do that when I'm thinking about him. I used to think it was because I had a special affinity with some ghosts which turned out to be true but not in the way I once thought.  
  
"Hey," I said, feeling like a little school girl who giggles every time they see a hot guy walk past and hating it. This was Jesse, for God's sake. We'd held normal conversations before. Would it be different now we knew each other's true feelings for each other?  
  
"Good morning, Susannah," Jesse returned as he strode over to sit beside me on the window seat. "How are you?"  
  
I wanted to scream but I didn't. The whole moment seemed awkward. What had happened to the easygoing conversation (well on Jesse's part) that had always been there? It seemed to have disappeared completely from both of us. I hope this wouldn't become tradition.  
  
"Um, good. How about you?" I cringed as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Were all relationships like this? I just wanted to throw myself into his arms and kiss him until my lips were sore. Fortunately for me Jesse seemed to have this same idea and he pulled me towards him.  
  
I felt lost in Jesse's embrace but secure at the same time. I trusted him with every inch on my body but as blissful as it was, I knew it wouldn't always be like this. I tried not to think about it and focus on Jesse's strong arms instead but it was no use. I pulled away and rested my head on his shoulder and let out a sigh. "Something wrong, querida?" Jesse questioned, pulling back and looking at me all concerned. "You look troubled."  
  
For a second I felt like saying nothing was wrong and denying everything. But I had done that in the past and I could create a list a mile long with all the things that happened because of it.  
  
"Jesse," I began hesitantly, "You remember how, um, Paul was telling me I was a shifter?"  
  
I felt Jesse stiffen at the mention of Paul's name. "What about him?" he asked, gruffly.  
  
"Well, um, he mentioned something about soul transference and how you could transfer a dead spirit into a living body and I was kind of thinking..."  
  
But Jesse interrupted me before I could go on about what Paul was thinking. "Querida, no. Absolutely not. How do you know he is even telling the truth? That he knows such things? How can you possibly be sure it's not a trick to get rid of me? Let's face it, Susannah. Paul is fond of you but not of me."  
  
Jesse did have a point. Dr Slaski had mentioned that Paul had no idea what he was dealing with and had hinted at consequences that Paul did not understand the depths of but I kind of objected to the fact that Jesse was being so blunt about something that could make him alive again. I should've left it there but the desire for Jesse to be able to breathe again was too strong for my common sense.  
  
"But Jesse, don't you see? It could be a perfect way for you to be alive, again. We could be together as a real couple and Dopey can stop thinking I'm smuggling a guy up into my room because I can introduce you to my family and you can use the front door-"  
  
Jesse, instead of being overcome with passion at how much I wanted him to be alive again and agreeing to learn some more about this special technique of mine as I hoped he would, suddenly became very angry. I mean it. His scar was glowing so hard, it could have been used as a torch if it were dark and my dresser was beginning to shake in a very familiar kinetic way.  
  
"No, Susannah, you don't see." Jesse said, as his anger increased. "Soul transference could never work. First you'd have to find a body for me to occupy and get rid of that person's soul which is murder, and as I have mentioned before Susannah you are not a murderer! Plus I will be put into a body that is not mine. After 170 years in this body don't you think it would be awkward to just adjust like that?"  
  
I bristled at his harsh tone. He obviously didn't care whether we were together as a real couple. Well, we kind of were now but we couldn't go to the prom or date in public places or anything. But he did have some good points, though. I knew I could never murder somebody for my own selfish reasons and even though I am not superficial, how could I adjust to loving somebody who looked completely different from the person he used to be? It'd be weird, let me tell you. How do people with husbands and wives who have dramatic plastic surgery cope?  
  
But I was mad at Jesse, for dismissing it so quickly. Maybe there was another way. Maybe there was something a lot easier and Paul wouldn't tell me because in fact it was so incredibly easy that Jesse could be alive right now, surfing, drinking juice straight from the carton, playing sport. Well, maybe not those things. They're more what my stepbrothers would do but he could do them if he wanted because he'd be alive! He didn't have to slam all the doors so quickly. I was only suggesting it, for crying out loud.  
  
I turned around to hide the tears that were slowly gathering behind my eyelids. When I turned back around Jesse was gone. Our first lover's quarrel, I thought, rubbing my eyes. I knew I would have to get answers from Paul, if only to close off the idea of soul transference once and for all. Because unless I found something better that was the only option, crappy as it was. But I knew those were the answers Paul wouldn't give. At least not quickly.  
  
I felt a bit guilty about wanting to see Paul to find out more even though it was only to make a decision on whether to learn more or drop the subject completely. Paul had promised he would leave me alone and not try to sexually harass me but Jesse had made it clear that he disagreed with every little bit of soul transference. Asking more about it, and from Paul no less, would be going behind his back and not respecting his wishes. It was his dead body after all. But I wanted it not to be dead, so badly.  
  
So that's why I made up my mind to ask Paul at school tomorrow for some more information. I had learnt my lesson from last time and there was no way I would set up a meeting at his house, not for a long time. But I knew he wouldn't try anything at school. Not with his reputation at the moment, anyway. And if Father D was around, well nearby, Jesse wouldn't care, would he? But I had a bad feeling about it anyway.  
  
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End file.
